On the other hand, the part of Mother's Day that's difficult, is thinking of MY mom. Ever since she passed, this has been the hardest day of the year for me. I'm very proud of myself this year because it's been the first year I've made it through a church service without breaking down. :) It's so difficult hearing everyone talk about how much they appreciate their mothers and what great relationships they have, etc. I start feeling sorry for myself because I USED to have that, but no more. I think of how my mom loved me and all the things she did for me. She was the best cook I knew, and unfortunately Brad only got to experience that just a couple of times before she got sick. I think of what a great Grandma she would be for Ella and how much fun they'd have together. I think of all the advice I'm missing out on with my parenting skills. I have a million questions I'd love to ask her about how I was as a young child, to see if Ella has any of my quirky characteristics. When I look back at pictures of myself at her age, we are almost identical. I'd love to hear what she'd have to say when she looked at Ella and saw "me" as a young child again.
All these things I wish, and that's ok. I know she's watching from above, "nudging" me in the right direction when I need it. Ella will grow up never meeting her Grandma Sue, but that doesn't mean she won't know her. I have many memories to pass on. I love you, Mom.
1 comment:
I enjoyed reading what you said, Jen. I hear my mom say the same thing about Mother's Day now that her mother is gone. She said no matter how old you are, you've still lost your "mommy." Both of her parents are gone now, and even though she's 60+ years old, she said it feels like she's an orphan. I, too, wish you had your mom here to talk to and ask all the questions and watch the relationship between her an Ella.
I really enjoyed the pictures you posted. Wow! Ella really, REALLY looks like you did as a little girl. I also enjoyed remembering your wedding day (I usually remember Isaiah's catastrophe that day instead of how beautiful you looked!) and that was the first time I met your mom too. I remember how much she smiled that day...she was so proud of you.
Enjoy your week, and tell Ella to shake her bacon for me!
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